Don't be afraid. It's trapped in a cage!
Why must you get the tiger feces?
That's something you don't know.
Illegal immigrants must walk through Wu Tung Hill.
There's a lot of wild wolf-dogs down there.
They'd definitely bite.
But with tiger feces, there's nothing to fear
because the wild wolf-dogs would be scared away
from the smell of tiger feces.
You've got long hands, Silly Chicken.
Why don't you reach for the feces with your hands?
What? Stick my hands to fetch this stuff?
Like an old saying goes
"Never touch a tiger's ass".
Do you really think I'm as silly as my name is?
- You can go grab it yourself. - Forget it!
Then you go get it, Chin Chun (Charge).
Is there any need to go through all that trouble?
Just get a bamboo stick, scoop it out and you'll be set.
My work's done for the day.
Why?
My stick's broken. I give up.
Don't leave yet.
I think it's time to...enter the tiger's lair.
It'd be impossible to fetch tiger feces
if you don't go into the tiger's lair
Right!
Each of us cover ourselves with a barrel.
Then we won't prevent ourselves from being attacked by the tiger.
Even a wire can fix such a primitive lock.
You just need to wiggle it around a little bit. Look!
Look at me.
It's opened.
Don't get too loud.
- Here! Grab your barrel. - Give it to me!
May the tiger in case it turns around. Come on!
- Help! - Hurry up and shut the gates.
Help!
It make me scared to death.
Someone's there.
God damn it! You guys are here to steal tiger feces again?
You can stop pretending now!
No tiger takes a shit that often.
Give him some laxatives
if you have the tiger to defecate.
Where can we get laxatives?
That's bad. But have no fear.
We've been long immersed in great thinking.
We can use our heads.
Sure, we don't have any laxatives
but we can make artificial laxative.
Artificia! Laxative?
Tiger! Tiger! With your rump...
Tiger! Tiger! Take a dump!
Tiger! Tiger!
It's working! He's wagging his tail.
But we don't know if he'll be defecating
or urinating. Let's continue.
Tiger! Tiger! With your rump...
Tiger! Tiger! Take a dump!
He's leaking water! Let's continue!
Tiger! Tiger! Take a dump...
Take a dump...
Just in case it blows a nasty fart, be careful.
Damn! That tiger's fart stinks! It's so nauseating.
He might have intestinal disorder
so he may poop out some nasty feces.
How do we bring it out?
Silly Chicken!
You're a strong man.
Suck it out with a tube.
Alright!
Get up, little tiger!
Don't stand in my brother's way to pick up your feces.
Suck it up.
I can't seem to suck it no matter how hard I try. I can't do it.
Why can't you?
Use the air from your stomach. Like this!
You can't suck it either.
Stand aside! Allow me! Watch this.
You have to suck it up by force!
Suck it harder with your mouth.
Your mouth stinks.
I don't care!
I'll only allow you to leave as long as you marry me and be my lover.
No! Not even for a while.
What do you mean?
I can't be your lover!
And don't even carry the thought that we'll ever make love.
That's some nerve you've got!
You want to go to Hong Kong and leave me behind.
Jiang Qing! Once I go to Hong Kong,
the least I can do for you is to buy you a Pierre Croissant for you.
Isn't it a Pierre Cardin?
Obviously, you don't know anything.
Pierre Croissant is Pierre Cardin's older brother.
It's very expensive.
I want a Rolex!
I'll buy whatever you want once I'm in Hong Kong.
Wail Wai!
Alright! I'll decide my destiny by pulling out the flower pedals.
I want the watch...! want him...
the watch...him...the watch...Him...the watch?
I don't want the watch. I want him!
I must stab his back!
Hong Kong dollars, cakes, biscuits...
Glucose, beef jerky...
Dried vegetables, rice cake...
Marlboro cigarettes! Hmmm...that's about it.
Hey! Don't drink too much bamboo juice!
It's bad for your stomach.
Then, make some more for me!
I don't want to starve myself before I reach Hong Kong.
You're not there for drinking.
You're immigrating there illegally.
Once you get to Hong Kong.
Remember to buy me a dishwasher
And don't forget to buy a Panasonic microwave for me.
Only if I get there!
Of course!
What is this? Murder?
What a scare! Come in!
You're such a brat!
What's wrong with you? Eating again?
- Godmother! - Good Boy
Wow! You've prepared so much.
So what have you prepared?
I've prepared plenty of things!
Let's split it all equally!
Rice cakes? Mine! You can take my naval biscuits.
Glucose? Mine! You can take my brown sugar.
Beef jerky? Mine.
Okay! Here's some dried vegetables for you.
It's great stuff. You call this equal splitting?
This is more like a robbery! Are you a crook?
We're brothers.
I'll share some of the good stuff for you.
Don't gripe!
It's for you.
Now, that's better.
Let's see what this is.
What is this?
Give it back. It's of fine quality.
This is tiger feces mixed with flour.
That's how you make it look spheric. Look at it.
I'll show it to you first.
We'll divide this into 3 portions.
Since I can bring it over here, I will divide it to you guys.
Get me a knife first.
One for each of you. This one is mine.
Why is mine so tiny?
Why is yours so huge?
Well, of course! I deep-fried this with flour.
Flour isn't free.
The wok isn't useable once it's been used.
It stinks. Do you want it? Do you want it?
If you don't want it, give it back!
I don't want it! It still smells after being deep-fried.
Pretty rowdy, aren't we? Going on a tour?
Godmother, this is Comrade Zhu!
Comrade Zhu Du-Bei from the city of Furong.
Comrade Du-Bei.
No! It's Superintendent Zhu.
- Superintendent Zhu! - Superintendent Zhu!
What's this?
No! We were just going to go out and play some ball.
Yeah! Play ball!
Glucose...to increase your physical vigor?
Not superintendent!
Chin Chun's not in great health so he needs some nourishment.
Oh!
- There's stars circling my head. - Sit down!
Hong Kong dollars? Going to Hong Kong?
Hong Kong dollars...for your nourishment.
Splendid! So young and full of potential. Very patriotic!
God damn! Tiger feces?
No! It's his feces.
He's not feeling well.
So we have to take this to the doctor for an inspection.
Take a look!
I defecated blood a couple of days ago.
Take this for nourishment!
Bullshit!
A color TV.
You even want the color TV?
I suspect you boys intend to use this color TV
to drift yourselves over to Hong Kong.
I must take this back to investigate.
Furthermore, I must take all of this back for investigation.
Wrap it up!
Just accuse us all you want!
Wrap it up!
Set everything in there. Quickly!
Hurry up!
I wrap it up. Can you see?
We're setting everything in.
- Hurry up! - Hurry up...
Yes! It's all yours now. Take care!
Once I step out this door,
I shall completely forget your dirty thoughts
of illegal entry into Hong Kong.
Don't you worry about that!
Who dares to venture illegal entry?
It's him!
No, it's not!
Arrest her too!
- I have nothing to do with this. - I'm innocent!
- Go! - I'm innocent!
Take her out for execution. Execute her!
Why are you still speaking in Mandarin for?
We'd better prepare for our journey tomorrow.
I've got a cold and a nasal conjestion.
Don't you have any food to eat, Beanstalk?
Didn't you bring any dried food for yourself?
I ate it all. Do you still have any?
No one told you to eat from day to night. I've got nothing left!
Well, of course! You ate like you were having a picnic.
You've eaten everything since you've been eating the whole day.
I've starving so much. I'm afraid I can't make it to Hong Kong.
You ate everything. There's nothing left.
Didn't you promise my mother that you'll take care of me?
Give me your backpack.
Let me see if there's anything left.
Take a look for yourself if you don't believe me.
Perfect! There's a big durian cake.
Even with a nasal conjestion, I can take it.
The flavor's so strong. I'll take it for now.
A panther!
Silly Chicken, get up! There's a big panther!
Chin Chun, get up! Chin Chun!
Let's hurry!
Where to?
- Hurry up! - Pick up your glasses!
- Unleash the dogs! - Lie down!
Where's the tiger feces?
Where's the shit?
It stinks! I know where it is.
You ate it.
Why did you eat the feces?
Well, I was hungry.
Let's go!
What do we do?
We'll split three ways. Go away!
Don't bite me! Go away!
Beanstalk Wail! Beanstalk Wai!
Don't mind me! Get out of here!
Go! Quickly!
Beanstalk Wai!
It's not me! It's him.
Beanstalk! Chin Chun!
Don't come over, Silly Chicken!
Mommy!
Get out of here!
Help!
- Pass some of your breath to me! - Help!
How do I do that?
Close your mouth to keep your breath.
Then, stretch your hand over to me!
Help! Help!
The panther's coming!
Two sword combination!
Bravo!
Victory...
Victory!
I won! What are you doing?
Get ready before you get into the water.
Get your plastic bags out.
Place your bags and clothes in there.
Once it darkens, we'll get into the water
and swim towards the shore. We'll swim over to Hong Kong before dawn.
Otherwise, we'll be in a lot of trouble.
It'll be easy for us to be lost when it's dark outside.
That's why we've got to remember this
once we reach Hong Kong.
We've got to meet Villain Kien at the
Peninsula Cafe in Tai Kok Tsui.
What cafe again?
They serve tea and buffet meals accompanied with music.
It's the Peninsula Café located at Tai Kok Tsui.
I might forget it.
See?
I've already written down the address.
One for each of you. Keep it well with you.
You better be there! Keep it with you!
- Do you remember our code? - Yes...
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
Great! This is perfect!
Good luck, brothers! We'll meet at the Peninsula Cafe. See you there.
See you in Hong Kong.
So many oyster shells! Trying to kill people here?
Let's look at our beautiful motherland once more.
Damn! I've lost Beanstalk and Silly Chicken.
How am I going to meet up with them?
Oh yeah! Nothing to fear. I've still got the address.
Peninsula! Damn! I've only got half of the address.
Wow! Why is there only English in this peninsula?
It looks so grand!
6 foot 3, calling control.
Don't call your men over! citizen.
I'm a Hong Kong. I have an l.D. card!
Panther! Panther!
Don't unleash it! Please don't unleash it. Put it away!
A dog exhibition!
A female representative for the dog exhibition?
She's so pretty.
Red stockings and red shoes!
She's prettier than Liu Xiao-Qing.
Wow! She's even got a fancy car!
Wow! A real beauty in a fancy car!
She's staring at me.
Please don't poke me, miss! I'm shy.
What are you doing? Come here!
I thought it was the representative.
Whom Are You Looking For?
I've got a meeting with Beanstalk Wai for a coffee.
- Beanstalk Wai? - Gay Wail!
It's Wali.
He's looking for Gay Wai. Take him in from the back door
He's looking for Gay Wai.
Take him in.
Follow him.
- Come with me. - Thank you!
Hello! Hello!
What are you standing here for? Keep walking.
Hello, everybody!
Is that for me?
This dish is for you!
How can I eat this entire chicken's behind.
It's good for your behind too. Just eat it!
- I've got cigarettes. Want some? - We don't allow cigarettes here.
Eat it!
Hey, mister! When will Wai come?
He'll be there soon.
Honey! Hello, sweetie!
Why did you grab my ass?
Hey there, honey! Were you recommended by a westerner to come over here?
I've got a meeting with Beanstalk.
What's your name?
Chin Chun (Charge).
Your name sounds kinda horny.
Why are you insulting my name?
So do you eat a lot of chicken buttocks?
That four-eyed kid just gave me over twenty chicken buttocks to eat.
- Twenty! Very good! - Don't touch my ass!
- Come on honey, I like you. - I'm very sensitive! I'll fart!
Please don't!
Where are you go? Come back!
Help! Decadent capitalism!
Wow! It looks so grand. Almost like the People's Congress.
Wow! They say Hong Kong is filled with gold.
So what they say is true!
Don't get greedy. Take the medium-sized plate first.
Beanstalk!
What took you so long, Villain Kien?
I had to cool off my heels for ages!
Didn't you say there were 3 of you? Why is there only 2 here?
One of our brothers got lost ashore.
Here! This is yours and this is yours.
It doesn't look like me at all.
Mine's even worse.
It looks so feminine.
Can't we get another one, buddy?
It's just temporary.
What about my brother's card?
I'll give it to him once I see him.
The cops have been on my tail lately.
That'll be it for now. I'm out of here!
Wait! Can't you give us the third card?
Go and have a drink. Help yourselves!
Have drinks...thanks.
Come over here. I have something to say to you.
OK.
- Hello - Hello...thank you
Those gossipers have been saying that
Lychee and Fei-Feng
Is Perfect Couple of the social world is it true?
Yes! Yes!
They say they specialize in toying with men.
Would they toy around with you?
No way! How would they toy around
with me at such a big event?
Why hasn't she arrived yet?
Well, you know how it is with women!
They take their time with cosmetics and make-up.
See? Here they come!
Lychee, this is your aunt.
Hello.
Thank you.
Why don't we get seated?
Get seated, right? Alright...
Let's get seated, everybody! Please be seated.
Those two bitches are really cocky!
Ladies and gentlemen, today is the engagement party of Big Mouth Sze.
It's my engagement with Lychee.
As a representative of Lychee, I welcome Big Mouth
to ask a few serious question. Is that alright?
Yes! Yes!
You may only answer yes or no.
Are you really in love with Lychee?
Yes!
Did you love Lychee at first sight?
Yes!
Then, did you spread rumours that
we are both chasing for you?
I was drunk that night.
You may only answer yes or no.
Yes.
Then, I'll invite Ms. Lychee over
to the stage for a performance.
Big Mouth Sze, you may step off the stage now.
Fine
I would like to recite for you tonight.
Great!
It's a love letter that Big Mouth Sze wrote to me.
I want to throw you into my arms.
I wish to become your underwear
Stick to you everyday
and become your slave dog.
I shall rest on your toes and
lick your big toe.
There's no reason for you to be reading
out my love letters out in the public.
Why worry about it being read out loud if you weren't afraid to write it?
Today's our engagement party.
Don't embarrass me!
Sorry! But who said I would be engaged to you?
You promised to marry me on the day I proposed to you.
You even told me to send out invitations to my family and relatives.
Don't you know it's the 1st of April?
Some people just don't have a sense of humor.
They can even forget about April Fools Day.
Are you kidding with me?
Today, I'm not kidding around with you.
But I was kidding around with you on that day.
Do me a favor and stay engaged to me.
Fei-Feng, he's completely fallen into our trap.
The dress you ordered at Joyce now belongs to me.
That's right! You're smart!
You took me for a bet?
So he's got guts to sling mud at us.
Look at this! And to think that I've loved you dearly,
you take me for an idiot!
Auntie!
Don't cry, Big Mouth. Don't cry. Stop crying!
She's making fun of me!
If you two aren't really serious about him,
then don't take him for a fool.
Big Mouth
Who are you?
I'm a Hong Kong citizen!
- I want to arrest you! - Don't arrest me...
Go
- Don't arrest me! - Big mouth.
Big Moutht who is this pig? He smells bad!
So is this your engagement present for me?
He's so ugly!
- Are you talking about him? - It's you!
- She's talking about you! - She means you!
So, do I look ugly to you?
"Ugly" is an understatement for you,
I should be saying that you look disgusting.
Bitch! So now you think you're pretty?
Aren't I?
Actually, you are pretty and you smell nice too.
Even if I am pretty, it's none of your business.
I'd never pick you if you were the last man alive.
It reeks badly, Lychee. Let's leave!
Bitch! You say that my mouth stinks.
But in fact, your mouth reeks more than me!
Security! Hurry up and arrest that person!
Arrest him! Arrest him!
What happened?
Arrest all those stinky men!
I want revenge!
- Don't arrest me! - You all leave, leave!
I don't need your pity!
- You can't leave! Come with me! - Listen to me,
I only drank some bamboo juice.
Not only will I not have you arrested,
but if you work with me, I'll give you a little bonus.
What bonus?
This place is so capitalistic!
Anita's a very popular image consultant around here in Hong Kong.
I'll have her reform your looks.
Reform me with looks?
You'll be reformed into a playboy.
This is beautiful.
1,2,3,4,5
6,7,8
2,2,3,4,5
6, 7, 8!
Twist your bottom. Stomp the ground...
Turn around and squat down
get your bottom down and up!
Higher! Spread it wider!
Stand still, turn around and pose.
How can you be Ms. Hong Kong like that?
How can you compete with Pauline Yeung?
Just like a pig!
Stop crying. Pipe down this very instant.
Shut up!
Even when crying, you must have posture.
You have to cry with poise and give it a sense of beauty.
Watch me!
Do it once and show it to me.
I'm a failure! I'm such a failure!
Anita, you're tutoring that girl for them again?
Stop crying and get in!
Go!
I have someone I'd like you to train.
I want you to turn him into a playboy in society.
Let him lure Lychee and Fei-Feng into
a prank to vent out my feelings.
I'd like to conduct a test on him.
Once he passes, I can consider him.
- Then, please test him out. - He's pretty well built.
Now, pretend that I am the woman that you love.
Say something to convince me to sleep with you.
Say it!
[...I'm afraid that I'll screw it up.
Huh? You're already screwed.
You can't get any more screwed than that. Just say it.
- I can't. - Why not?
Haven't you slept with women at your age?
I have but with my mother.
Stop pretending to be a virgin.
We never do that.
We get executed if people find out that we did that.
We only play in the field.
Very well! Then seduce me to play in the field.
Say it!
Just one sentence?
Is that all?
Hey! Let's get humped!
That's it?
What else is there? If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then forget it.
Bravo! Direct! Simple! Clear out! Natural!
Thank you!
I'll ask you again. If you wanted to dump me,
give me three sentences to make me leave.
Three sentences?
Say it.
Three may be too little. How about adding another two?
Three sentences will do.
You're a nut! You're a nut! You're a nut!
Lily Chu!
That's well determined and perfectly executed!
Appear to me within 10 seconds.
10,9,8,7,6, 5,4, 3,2, 1!
What's the matter, Madame Anita?
Kiss him!
What's she doing? A turn-on?
As a real playboy,
you wouldn't hesitate to kiss any women.
Now, kiss her in what you believe is the
most gentlest way to get her turned on.
Be prepared!
Go!
I'm not so casual.
Just do it!
Do I get anything out of this?
Just kiss her!
I'll buy you wonton noodles after you kiss her.
Really? Two bowls?
Take care, cousin!
Aren't you damned yet?
Bravo! You've kissed her till she passed out.
Get up!
It stinks! He has bad breath!
Get going.
Well? How is he?
So you want me to turn this thing into a playboy?
Do you think Nina Lychee and Fei-Feng
would ever like him?
What a waste of time! He's got no imagination, no manners
and not an ounce of primitive male appeal.
He's practically not a man at all!
What did you say? Are you finished yet?
Never yell at me!
I'll yell you back!
So you're the smartest one in the world!
No one is as educated as you are.
You belittle me because I'm deficient in some way.
I'm more educated on things that you don't know.
You Hong Kong people are arrogant!
Test me.
Which province is east of Guangxi?
Guangdong!
What's east of Shanxi?
Shangdong.
Wrong! It's Hebei.
What's north of Hunan?
I'm pretty sure it's not Hubei.
Haha! But it is Hubei!
- Where is east of Shensi - Shento
Oh man! You're making me laugh here!
There's no such province in China called Shendong.
But I won't belittle you for your ignorance.
So you better not insult me as well.
Because I'm a descendent of the dragon!
I have dignity so I won't yell at you two!
But I'm buying you wonton noodles.
You think I'm some kind of a pig?
The two of you are riffraffs to capitalism.
Think about it!
Chin Chun!
I want to eat some wonton noodles.
Anita, I'll ask him to apologize to you.
There's no need for that! If he wants to come back,
then he'll return by himself
If he doesn't want to come back, then it's useless to force it out of him.
It's so windy and rainy right now. Where else can I go?
Where's the other half?
There it is! Peninsula Cafe! Tai Kok Tsui!
Oh boy!
I've made a mistake.
Ta...taxi!
There goes all my money.
The Peninsula Cafe!
A goldsmith!
Great chance! Great chance!
I'm sure Silly Chicken and Beanstalk will come.
I'll wait. I'll wait!
You take from this hole to that hole,
and from the hole above to the hole underneath.
We should something more effective rather than walking back and forth.
Then, we'll go through another hole.
This is not the time to find any more holes.
It's a better idea to fill our hunger.
We don't have any money!
We've spent it all on the taxi.
How about we perform for money like that old couple over there?
One's playing the harmonica, the other is playing the flute.
As apparent as this is, they are making a living through the arts.
However, they are actually begging for money.
We've received a high standard of education.
We can't stoop to the level of this disgraceful act.
Or perhaps we can modify a method.
We can try robbery.
Robbery?
Let's go!
Not only are you committing robbery, Beanstalk,
but you're doing now is even more disgraceful.
You're taking things away from a beggar's bowl.
Don't gripe!
Beanstalk, what do we do now?
Let's hide in here!
Hey! What are you doing?
It's a robbery! Someone stole our money!
It's that way!
Robbery? Where?
- What are you doing? - Wait!
Beanstalk! Silly Chicken!
Why didn't you wait for me for the big opportunity?
You didn't drown.
Hold up!
Let me get my shoes first.
Wait for me, Beanstalk!
Hurry up!
I missed you guys!
I missed you too.
Did you eat yet?
Thanks for the concern. I only had 2 egg tarts.
That's okay!
We came by water.
Wait for me!
We can't.
- Stretch your arm over here! - Wait for me!
- Hurry up! - Wait for me!
We meet again.
Why didn't you wait for me when you're going for the big opportunity?
How did you expect us to know where you are?
Exactly!
Big opportunity...
It's just pocket change!
- Why is there so little? - Pocket change is good enough.
If we had guns, we would have already
gone for that big opportunity.
Why didn't you buy any guns?
This pocket change is only enough to buy a water gun.
Where's the money, you numbskull?
Where would we get it?
You've got no brains.
The rich guy.
I forgot to tell you.
There's a rich man who wants me trained.
What are you talking about?
Train me.
Not that! The one before that.
The rich man?
A rich man? Why didn't you mention that earlier?
Why didn't you mention it to us earlier?
Why are you speaking to him so loudly?
Let's leave him alone. Let's go look for this rich man.
I've had much difficulty to re-convince Anita to train him.
But you must make him obedient.
Not a problem! With money, there's always obedience.
How much does he need?
$50,000 per month including food and living expenses.
Myself included. Including food and living expenses
for my own girls as well.
No problem!
What's the situation, Beanstalk?
Eat something first!
I've finally got it all handled.
With the might that allowed me to overcome all fears and obstacles,
and from the hands of this capitalistic pig,
I've managed to fight for
$500 per month!
Only $5007?
It's none of your business!
I feel sorry for you.
Don't say it that way.
At such a sad state,
you've managed to fight for $500.
It's very hard to achieve that.
I should be feeling sorry for you instead.
There's no other way.
For our opportunity to knock,
you must stay here.
We'll head out to recruit our troops!
Then, the first thing we shall do is to deal with this Big Mouth Sze.
Then, we'll return to you with more opportunities.
Opportunities!
Look at me, Chin Chun!
Remember this. We're newly landed immigrants.
- We can't fail. - We can't fail!
We must earn all of their money!
Earn all their money.
Take all their women.
Take all their women!
Eat every one of their meals.
Eat all of their meals!
Alright then! We're leaving now.
Take care!
Beanstalk, you guys are leaving just like that!
I'm going to miss you guys.
Okay! Okay! Everything's fine now. You two can go now.
- We're leaving now. - Take care!
- Beanstalk Wai! - Beanstalk!
- Beanstalk... - Work hard! Take care.
Work hard!
- Chin Chun! - We'll come to see you.
- Chin Chun... - Chin Chun!
Beanstalk.
Are you okay, Beanstalk?
Work hard! Work hard!
I'm leaving now.
I'm sorry for offending you last night.
I hope you'll forgive me.
I think it's time you should go talk a shower.
Ouch! Please don't. That hurts. Help!
Wow! We're rich!
I'm eating ice cream here.
Why did you just hit me? That hurts.
I'll give you a little tongue twister.
If you can repeat after me, then you've earned the right to finish your food.
Really?
The tongue twister is there to fix your Chiu Chow accent.
Listen closely.
Billy paid his bills, Milly's making silk.
Milly made his silk, Billy & Milly met up with Willie
to eat some Chow Kwei Diu, and to buy their double Q.
Willy's cocky attitude is lame, bursting Billy into flames.
Billy poured his plate of Chow Kwei Diu on Willy and refused to buy his double Q
and told Chiu to pay his own bill.
Milly quickly struck a deal and told him not to hit Willy.
Billy slipped and hurt his hips, making it hard for Miu to stay still.
Chiu...Miu...Miu...Q...
Nonsense!
Oh! I get it! Something like Bill...Miu...I pay the bills!
Stop laughing!
A playboy must have proper eating
etiquette with European food.
It is also imperative to know how to match your food with wine.
Red meat goes with red wine.
White meat goes with white wine.
Muttons and beef is red meat.
Fish, lobsters and crabs are
considered to be white meat.
Then, how about tiger meat?
It's considered to be red meat.
I've eaten tiger feces before.
Tiger shit should go with red wine!
Cut the bullshit!
How can you eat tiger feces?
I've eaten an entire piece of tiger feces!
There are many types of red wine.
What's going on? A drinking game?
Drink these 2 glasses of wine.
Do you see any difference in its taste?
You're smart and I'm smart too.
But I still prefer bamboo juice!
Why turn off the lights?
Are we making out?
Read the names of these French wine.
For your convenience, a Chinese approximation
of its proper pronunciation is also provided.
That's a big color TV!
Chateau Laufit
Chateau Cheval
Chateau Latour
Chateau Margauo
Pouilly Fuisse
Po...
Fuck! Shit!
Shit!
To be a playboy who needs to attract
a girl whom you've just met,
the greatest weapon to use in that situation is your smile.
Show me your smile.
Wipe your mouth and smile again.
Is my smile presentable?
If the laughter of a pig is considered
to be presentable, then I can say you are presentable enough.
There are many types of smiles.
The most popular type is the cold smile.
Then, we have the narrow smile.
The sly smile.
And also, the broad laughter
The chilly smile.
The obscene smile.
The seductive smile.
Last but not least, the wild laughter.
Show it to me from the beginning.
I've smiled myself out of breath.
I'm scared that I won't be able to control myself.
Cold smile...Narrow smile...
Bitter smile...Broad smile.
Chilly smile...
seductive smile.
Laugh happily!
Stop laughing.
I can't! You're cracking me up!
Stop laughing.
Stop laughing immediately as soon as I count to 10.
10,9, 8, 7, 6,
5,4,3,2,1!
Now ['ll teach you how to kiss.
Kiss? What's a kiss?
A kiss is when 2 lips touch as a sign of affection.
Wipe your mouth and wait here.
Don't make me laugh! Do I really have to learn this stuff?
Begin!
What's that? So do I have to kiss the carrots before I get to kiss you?
You wish!
Now suck that coin out of those lips.
Hands off.
How do I suck it out?
Suck it!
If you can't handle a carrot, how do you expect to deal with a woman?
What are you doing?
How can you be so careless?
I'll get it out for you.
It's hard to stand out in upper-class society
when you aren't able to speak English.
So that's why you must learn to speak English.
I've learned English through watching
music videos on television!
Don't be silly I If you can learn English through music,
then I'm sure pigs can fly.
Repeat after me. Y-E-S. Yes!
It means positive.
Y-E-S. Yes means positive.
Many people who only know how to say this word,
have been very well established.
These people are called the "Yes Men".
So, am I a..."yes man"?
Our second word is "do".
It means to perform.
Do! It means to perform.
That's right. It also means that you agree to do something.
If you give up, you can also say "I won't do"
When you marry in a church, you would say "I do".
I do!
Once you've made enough money, you can say "I don't have to do it".
What's best for me to say is "I don't have to do it".
The third word is "look".
Look! Look!
It means to see.
It can also mean your appearance.
You look good. Unfortunately, you're good for nothing.
Look means to see.
- Love! -"Lut-Fu" (Dropping pants).
It means love as in
"I love you", which means I love you.
LULut-Fut.!
Hello, Vincent!
You came back already?
You bought an antique watch for me?
Oh! I love you!
I love you!
Wait a second. I'll talk to you in my room.
Take your time in here and continue reading this.
I've got errands to handle upstairs.
Comrade! Comrade!
My name is Anita, not "Comrade".
Anita! I'm getting sleepy.
Can I go for an afternoon nap?
No!
What does that mean?
You can't.
Not a yes.
Wow! This is great!
I'll have a quick afternoon drink first.
Chin Chun, where's Anita?
She's busy upstairs with something to do.
Do?
Some fella name "Cent" said he'd drop his pants.
So she went upstairs to do something.
Upstairs?
That's a big pigeon!
Where?
Up in the sky!
You've got a pretty good eye.
Anita said the look of my scrub is pretty big.
What?
She said I look fine but I'm good for nothing.
Never thought Anita was that kind of person!
Y-E-S!
Did you do anything today?
Don't pry into my personal business.
I haven't done anything for days.
I asked Anita to do it for me once
but she said it's unnecessary. Many people do it with her
so she told me to do it myself.
Did I spend so much money to have you learning these things?
She said if you can't do it,
it'll be hard to stand out in upper-class society.
What else did she teach you?
Sucking stuff, doing stuff,
Love, and looks. Stuff like that!
That tramp! What an upper-class tramp!
Talking about me?
- Ask him! - Anita
It's nothing.
He said you're like a doll in upper-class society.
Finished doing your thing, Anita?
You've even made it to practical use.
Be a little more careful with words next time.
Especially with the word "do".
Y-E-S! I won't say "do" from now on.
I'll only say "look", okay?
It looks beautiful! Are we holding a dance party?
This looks fun! This looks fun!
A burlesque! A burlesque!
What was that for?
- Dance! - Dance with what?
Follow the footprints and dance.
Come here. Hold onto my waist.
Raise your arms. Keep your body straight. Smile!
Get ready!
Forward! Step. And back.
Quick! Quick! Quick!
- Ouch! I'm so sorry! - Now dance by yourself.
I feel uneasy, dancing with shoes on.
Can I try dancing with my shoes off?
Just take it off!
Because back at home, we're accustomed to dance without shoes.
Back in the days when we seeded the fields,
we would always trample on it like this.
Are you planning to dance like this?
Don't you think that I look more natural dancing without my shoes?
Do you think I'm dancing okay now? Doesn't it look better now?
If you can't dance properly, there will be no dinner for you.
What's wrong with you? You never provide me any dinner!
Well, it's up to you!
You're demented, aren't you?
Fine! I'll do my own research.
112131415! 6!
This is Anita's residence.
How may I help you?
I'm looking for Chow Chin-Chun.
Beanstalk, I'm suffering here!
Yeah! I'm suffering too.
Did Big Mouth Sze mention my salary?
No. What's the matter?
Tell him that I'm waiting for his pay. That'll be all.
Beanstalk! Beanstalk!
I really miss you and Silly Chicken.
Where are you guys?
We're at the Golden Dragon Restaurant in Tail Kok Tsui.
We're discussing business opportunities
with all those gang leaders.
Opportunity? When do I get a share?
We've left you a spot. That'll be it for now. I'm very busy now.
Grabbing me, huh? I'll grab some of that too!
I'll go to Tai Kok Tsui to look for Beanstalk.
That feels good!
Stop tickling me or else, I'll leak!
- Let's go to Kowloon Bay! - Sure!
We're going for a big brawl in Kowloon Bay.
Didn't you say you were going with me?
Bite me!
Hey, fatty girl! Play a round of Bangladesh with me.
Robert...
Robert...Bangladesh...
Beanstalk Wai! Didn't you say you were negotiating business?
I can't even get a decent meal while I'm training.
While you're here eating and
living the life of a capitalist pig!
If you get to live like a pig, why can't 1?
If you want to be so decadent, I should get the same rights as well.
I want to be more decadent than you!
Come with me. I'll have a word with you!
Excuse me, ladies.
- Hey! Come here. - For what's?
- Come here! - You must come back.
Did you know that you almost ruined it for us?
You lie to me
These ladies are the big sisters in the 19 districts.
Women reign supreme around here nowadays.
The men? They're just a piece of shit.
The women now have a say. From the left, there's Vixen, Lam Hoi Hoi,
Big Titty and Night Soil
All of them are leading figures of the Plush Society.
Didn't you see we were just discussing about
the matters of Robert and Bangladesh?
It seemed like you were having fun with your hand gestures.
Triads have always had their hand gestures.
This is called signalling.
So who is this Bangladesh and Robert?
I took them down.
You're lying! Silly Chicken's not even here.
Silly Chicken went for a big brawl in Kowloon Bay.
Silly Chicken went for a brawl?
Why didn't you protect him?
Silly Chicken
For the sake of protecting me
from getting arrested,
Silly Chicken...has already made his sacrifice.
Silly Chicken sacrificed himself?
Do you really think I'm the only one struggling here?
Now you're here, whining about a little starvation.
But Silly Chicken sacrificed his own life in exchange for mine.
Now you've given up halfway through your efforts.
I just can't look up to you anymore.
Look at me.
I can't...I'm so ashamed!
Very well! Since you can feel ashamed of yourself,
I'll give you one more chance.
Now go back to Big Mouth Sze's place
and if he has any expensive valuables that you can give me.
Another thing, your $500 per month
salary has to be decreased to $300.
We need to give some of that money to Silly Chicken's family.
I don't want it! Just give him the $500!
I know you meant well, silly boy. But you shouldn't do that. You need money too.
How about this?
You can send $190
and keep $10 for yourself. Got it?
You know that.
It's so hard to make a living in Hong Kong.
Okay then! We're on common grounds now, aren't we?
Remember our code?
Yes!
Look at my eyes.
C'mon! Look into my eyes.
What do you see in my eyes?
- Silly Chicken! - C'mon!
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"victory!"
"Shrimp dumplings! Sticky rice!"
"Sticky rice! Pork buns!"
"There's still some barbecue pork buns!"
"Shrimp dumplings! Basic steps!"
"Revert! Pork buns again! Lotus seed buns"
"Pork bun!"
"Break an egg!"
Chin Chun!
Oh! You're ruining me!
The Indian Funding Banquet will be on next Tuesday.
The Hong Kong Governor will attend as well.
I hope Chin Chun may attend in
his brand new look.
Impossible! Not enough time.
He'd still have to go even if there isn't enough time.
It's a great opportunity for him.
He could mess it all up.
We'll have to take a risk no matter what.
Could he manage?
Chin Chun, you'll have to manage!
Let me finish the eggs first.
Listen! Make a last ditch effort!
Mommy says eggs are nutritious.
Now, first you use your eyes to
ignite that desirable flame in her heart.
That's overdone!
I can't breathe!
Who told you to wear that mask?
He has bad breath!
Then, use your most primitive masculine
charm to provoke her.
What's wrong with you?
What were you just doing?
You told me to use my primitive masculine charm!
So I figured I'd use my body odor to provoke her.
- A little too provoking! - Shut up!
I'm telling you to kiss her.
Remember what I taught you about
drinking port?
Yes!
First, you look at it. Then, you smell it.
Then, you hold it
and keep in the mouth
and finally, you swallow.
- Swallow... - Yes!
This also applies with flirtation.
First, you look into her eyes to give her
the impression that you love her.
Then, you start sniffing from her ears
all the way to her neck.
Her sweat smells even worse than my body odor!
Nonsense!
Then, you gently hold onto her earlobes.
And finally, you get into the gesture of swallowing her up.
What's wrong with you two?
So is this how you two have decided to do it?
I'll give you 15 minutes.
If you two intend to fool around again, each of you will get 10 whippings.
Little sister, in order to prevent any physical suffering,
you...you take care!
I beg you! Just let me go!
Her whip is strong.
Here I come!
Where's Chin Chun?
He's coming down. Nelson!
Nelson!
Hello! How do you do?
Wow! Bravo!
Thank you. Come down!
Hello.
How is he?
From the looks of it, he's doing good
but I want to give him a little test.
How about this? Let's pretend that she is Lychee.
Take her out for a dance.
No problem.
Pork buns! Sticky rice! Lotus seed buns!
Shrimp dumplings! Hamburgers! Lotus seed buns!
Pork buns! Pork buns! Sticky rice.
Push forward and back!
Stop it! Stop it!
This is an event for the upper-class society.
What's with the pork buns, lotus seed buns and all the other buns?
You think this is a dimsum restaurant?
Come here...
Mr. Chow, what is your profession?
The bible.
It's finance and economy.
It's Japanese finance and economy.
Specialist.
It's finance and economic specialist.
Since you're so familiar with Japanese economics,
what do you think about the uprising of
the stock market in Tokyo?
It can't keep rising.
That's a fairly good analysis.
- How will it be in the future? -1t'll continue dropping.
Then...then, the market will continue to fall.
And then?
And then? Then, it'll keep falling.
I think...it'll fall down
and it'll hurt its spine.
Then, it'll need to rub medicinal alcohol.
How do you teach him, Anita?
It's not like that, Mr. Sze.
Mr. Sze, it's not Anita's fault.
I couldn't remember all the stuff that she taught me.
I just ad-libbed everything I've just said.
Mr. Sze, it's not Anita's fault!
I just ad-libbed everything I've just said.
Anything you say shows that you're a country bumpkin.
Just like a piece of shit!
Do I look like a piece of shit?
You're not even worthy to resemble shit!
I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!
It's all because you're a Mainlander!
Don't insult us new immigrants!
This is merely my own error!
You shouldn't make sweeing attacks.
You're not a new immigrant! You're an illegal immigrant!
Mr. Sze.
Say no more!
No need to go to the Indian Funding Banquet.
You won't even make a convincing Indian!
Are you happy now? You can now rejoice yourself
Now you're happy! Now you're free!
Just play as you please. You don't need do this anymore.
Anita! Anita! I know I'm wrong.
Please! Just hit me! Scold me!
Here's the keys to the fridge.
You like eating, don't you?
Eat it all! You don't have to ask me anymore.
Anita, don't treat me like this!
Just spank me with your whip.
I can't teach you.
You're on your own.
Why am I so useless?
I'm so incapable!
I can't let people underestimate me!
I must work hard...
Billy paid his bills, Milly's staying still.
No! He doesn't stay still so soon!
Billy paid his bills, Milly's...Milly's staying still.
Went out with Willie to stay still.
No! They don't stay still that soon.
I can't even remember a few words at this age. I'm so useless!
Billy...Milly stays still.
I can't give up! I'll grab something to eat first.
Shrimp dumplings! Pork buns! Lotus seed buns!
Pork buns...Lotus seed buns! Damn it! I got it all wrong again!
Did my legs go loose? Do it again!
Pork buns! Lotus seed buns!
Sticky rice! Shrimp dumplings!
And back! Basic steps. I'm so stupid.
Do it again!
Let's not practice this yet.
Billy paid his bills, Milly's making silk.
Milly...Arghll forgot again!
Billy paid his bills...Milly's making silk.
Billy met up with Willy. No...
No...They went out for Chow Kwei Diu.
Billy paid his bills, Milly's making silk.
Billy and Milly met up with Willy to eat some
Chow Kwei Diu and to buy their double Q...
Billy paid his bills, Milly's making silk.
Milly made his silk, Billy & Milly met up with Willie
to eat some Chow Kwei Diu, and to buy their double Q.
Willy's cocky attitude is lame, bursting
Billy into flames. Billy poured his plate of Chow Kwei Diu on Willy
and refused to buy his double Q and told Chiu to pay his own bill.
Milly quickly struck a deal and told him not to hit Willy.
Billy slipped and hurt his hips, making it hard for Miu to stay still.
Wow! Bravo!
Even my accent's gone! Alright!
Nelson!
I'm waiting to give you a
whip-spanking.
Nelson!
Spanked!
Chin Chun's gotten cocky! Hahaha! Hahaha!
Anita's paid her bill!I Hahaha! Hahaha!
Oh! I'm sorry, miss.
May I have your name please? Here's my name card.
Come for a joyride in my Ferrari whenever you are free.
She's busy all day.
Messed up again.
I saw this handsome young man first!
He looks average.
I'm nervous.
Stay calm. I'll watch your back.
What's step number one?
Thank you very much.
What about number two?
Sure. No problem.
How about number three?
Excuse me.
Number four?
Nelson Chow.
- Not bad. - My legs are feeling a little numb.
Relax!
Just be sure about the 1, 2, 3, 4.
Hit Anita! Long time no see!
And this is...?
This is Nelson Chow. He's just returned from the United States.
Oh, hello! Your hand is very soft and white.
Many people have said that I have very sexy hands.
Oh yeah! Many people have complimented her sexy hands.
Even the fortune teller says her hand looks very obscene.
You sure know how to poke fun, Fei-Feng. You really love to kid around.
Long time no see, Nelson.
Just do your job and make a fool out of them. Don't mind me.
Oh! The dog exhibition representative.
Sure. No problem!
Show me some proper posture, will you?
Don't just let any random man fall for you.
Got that?
Hey! Cat got your tongue already?
Don't let that chubby guy standing next to St. Anna talk to you.
St. Anna?
She's the daughter of a shipping magnate.
The one standing next to her is her god-uncle.
He's a behavioral specialist.
He can immediately decipher the origins of anyone
who speaks no more than three words to him.
With your family background, you're easily bound to meet some bad people.
Why don't I check his background for you?
- Cheers! - Hello
Anita! You're looking lovely today.
Thank you.
And this is...?
He's mute.
You're just kidding!
My name is Tung Tak-Dor (Know-it-all). And your name is?
Chow! Nelson Chow.
It appears that you rarely attend these social gatherings.
He just came back from America.
Hello! Someone's waiting for me.
Let's walk over.
It's not such a big loss to stay longer for a chat.
So, Mr. Chow, what do you do in America?
I'm a financial columnist.
East coast or the west coast?
As a man of the east, of course I stay in the east.
So it's New York!
Which part of New York do you live in?
Part...Just about any part.
He moves around a lot.
He doesn't settle down anywhere.
But his apartment's in Manhattan.
The governor's here. Let's head over there.
OK.
Ms. Fiona Tung.
Hello! Nice to meet you.
And Mr. Tung.
Mr. Tung, good evening
Good evening, Mr. Tung.
This way please.
Miss Anita Ho! The top idol maker in town.
Your excellency.
Very nice to meet you and Mr...
Chow. Nelson Chow.
Mr. Chowt how do you do?
Do...l love you.
Very nice to meet you, Mr. Governor.
You speak Mandarin very fluently.
It's not that great. You speak Mandarin much better than me.
It's very rare to see Hong Kong youth with such a strong command of Mandarin.
You must stay in Hong Kong.
The future of Hong Kong will depend on talented people like you.
Oh! Sure. No problem.
Hong Kong people should know how to speak in Mandarin.
Those who can't speak Mandarin, aren't considered Hong Kong people. Haha!
Thank you! Thanks for the encouragement.
Hello, everybody! Hello!
Posture!
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
You've got a phone call.
Does Beanstalk Wai know I'm even here?
It's not him. Take the call.
You've got nothing to lose.
Hello.
Hello! Guess who I am?
Stop kidding around. Who are you?
You'll know who I am once you stick your head out.
So, do you think it's fun giving a phone call like this?
Yes. Don't you think it's romantic?
Oh no! It's very stupid.
I did all of this just to give you a chance.
I know it must be awkward for you
to get closer to me in the public.
Don't be silly! It's not that I can't get closer to you in public.
It's just that you have a bit of...body odor.
You're so humorous. You sure know how to make a joke.
You're the first man to ever talk to me like that!
I'll be sure to hook up with you. Bye-bye!
Bye-bye!
- Hello
Excuse me!
Hey! What are you doing?
This is the mens washroom. There's nothing I haven't seen in a man's privates.
You should behave yourself Ms. Shang-Kun.
Are you scared?
Why don't we go to that corner?
What are you doing?
What people do when they make love.
Please don't misunderstand.
I'm not that casual!
Hearing you say that just makes me tingle!
I'm definitely going to make out with you!
I'll hit you while I ask but I would have never
thought that girls from Hong Kong can be so horny.
Help!
Sexual harassment!
Rape! Rape! Rape! I want to rape you!
Why would he speak in a Chiu Chow dialect?
Hi!
What a coincidence.
Yes. It is a coincidence.
Did you step out?
Yes, I stepped out.
So...you came back?
Yes!
May ll...dance with you?
My please.
Pleasure, pleasure.
Pork buns...sticky rice...
What are you mumbling about?
Pork...It's nothing.
I craved for pork buns and lotus seed buns while I spent
many years overseas for my studies.
Why don't we stop dancing?
Nelson Chowt you've been pretty well disguised.
However, I've already uncovered your trump card.
Mind what you say.
I'm serious.
Everybody! This Nelson Chow right here...
is unfamiliar with everyone. Nobody here knows him.
Do you know why that is?
The fact is...he is the son of
an Chinese-American millionaire and a native in the province of Chiu Chow!
He is one of four Chinese-American millionaires
bearing the Chow family name.
Now, I won't ask who his father is.
Judging from the knot in his palm,
I can immediately see that
he didn't study in America.
In fact, he graduated at the University of Cambridge in England.
Every Cambridge students tow boats.
You must have rowed every day and night.
So your palm is bound to get the knot.
From the moment I first listened to you speak in Mandarin,
I've come to the conclusion that you must have swapped between the
University of Cambridge and the University of Beijing in 1982.
Another thing! You studied under the tutelage of
Professor Ouyang for Eastern Languages in the University of Beijing.
Therefore, you speak Mandarin with a heavy northern accent.
Am I correct?
You've made a very accurate estimation, Professor Tung.
You're amazing!
Alright! A toast for the brilliance of Professor Tung.
Let me toast for you
Never in my life have I presented myself
so well in front of all those people!
How can you speak to the governor with
such a strong command of Mandarin?
It's no big deal.
You did great, Anita!
Cheers! Cheers!
Big mouth!
I haven't drank with you today.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
Shall we dance?
Yes. Of course, you can.
Pork bun! Lotus seed buns! Shrimp dumplings!
Sausage roll! Pork buns! Lotus seed buns.
Shrimp dumplings and push.
Spin around and back!
Pork buns!
There were plenty of women who
were impressed with me tonight.
So do you like me?
You're drunk!
Answer me. Do you like me?
I don't. I don't like you.
You're lying!
Would I like him?
Impossible! I wouldn't be so tasteless.
Impossible! I'm a lady of elegance.
I couldn't have possibly like this piece of shit.
It's such a joke.
But he is really good-looking.
Could it be that I've fallen in love
with the spitting image that I've created?
No. I'm just an ordinary woman.
How can I possibly live off my life, wearing a mask?
I enjoy taking him out for a stroll to
the park and to the mall for shopping.
After all, it's only a momentary glamour that people ask for.
Stupid! Can that glamour last forever?
I'm a woman with taste. How could I take this
piece of shit out to walk around Joyce?
Shit!
Oh my god! He's really hot!
Human beings are creatures with emotions.
Nothing to fear. They'll forgive me.
That's insane!
Would anyone hire me as an image consultant
if I become that cheap?
Shit! Am I being flirty? I'm being flirty.
I'm so lost! I'm so lost!
What are you doing?
Hey, beautiful! Good morning!
How do you do?
Since when did you learn to talk so naughty?
Why haven't you changed into your clothes yet?
I'll give you three minutes to get changed and get down here for breakfast.
What are you doing? Trying to get intimate?
What's wrong with you? We were getting along fine last night.
Early menopause?
Nonsense!
Do you even know what menopause is?
I'll go answer the call
Hello!
Do you recognize my voice?
Your voice sounds familiar.
Why didn't you call me?
Excuse me. Hold on a minute.
- Hello! - Nelson!
Who is this?
I'm Lychee. Are you busy today?
Don't kid around. You've got the wrong number, bitch!
Hello!
I'm Fei-Feng.
Sorry but I've got an arrangement to go shopping with Lychee.
I have no time for you.
Spin...
You're killing me.
Let's go again!
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes!
It's beautiful!
Do you like it?
I love it!
What's wrong with you? Are you alright?
I hate myself for being born in a feudalistic family.
My mother, my nanny and my godmother...
They insist on inspecting my girlfriend before they approve a wedding.
It's the sheer thinking of the Victorian age.
Could a modern girl possibly
be able to go through with this?
Big pan (catastrophy)!
That's right. Nowadays, girls would never
sacrifice anything for the sake of love.
But I'm a complete exception.
You should trust me.
Nelson!
Would you make sacrifices for me?
Answer me.
Do you love me?
How can I answer this question for you?
Answer me! Answer me!
I...love you to death.
Then, inspect me!
She's ready for inspection!
Nelson, why aren't you inspecting me yet?
I'm not doing the inspection. It's my mother who's inspecting you.
Your mother?
Auntie.
This is my godmother. This is my mother. This is my nanny.
Have a seat!
Then, we'll have a seat.
Mother, this is Ms. Lychee, the lady I've been talking to you about all day long.
Lychee!
So this is Lychee?
Yes.
She resembles my upper half.
She's even got a big ass.
She's very fertile.
- Nelson! - Don't be afraid...
Let me see
Well? How is she, nanny?
Definitely a perfect pair.
Is that so?
Breast implants are in vogue nowadays.
Could these be artificial?
You better listen!
If you can find one again,
then I'll make the decisions and arrange you to wed the fat girl.
They don't charge a huge sum for dowry.
Are you crazy, mother?
I can't stand that fat girl!
You shouldn't complain!
It's hard to find girls like that.
She'll marry you on the condition we give her
three flats and a dowry of $10 million U.S.
Auntie!
There's plenty of nice girls in Hong Kong.
Why couldn't you widen your eyes for a closer look?
And you
I'd be glad if Nelson can marry a girl like you.
- How about it? - How about it?
It's so embarrassing!
Then, would you marry him?
She's shy.
Pak Ka, do tell!
Do tell!
You tell her, nanny!
Me again?
These are our family rules.
You must have a full body check-up.
We can't accept used goods.
Amida Buddha!
But, auntie...When I was little,
I really enjoyed riding on my bicycle
and do a lot of exercise.
All gone! Pipe down!
But...well...
it'd be better for you to explain, Pak Ka.
You explain, mom.
Nanny, you explain!
Me again?
It's very hard to inspect if you do a lot of exercise.
So well use our hands to
inspect if you're fertile.
Then...
Just go...
Then, I'll make a sacrifice for you!
Go! Make your sacrifice.
Only you in the room alone?
I think we'll inspect together.
Nelson! Come with me. Come with me!
Go!
I'll go on ahead with you.
So, where are you doing the inspection?
Upstairs. In the first room to your left.
Head upstairs by yourself first. I'll grab some tools first.
It'll be quick! Very comfortable!
What are you doing?
Picking up my tools.
What are you up to?
I'm going to take it all apart and stir it around for a look.
Can you do this?
I used to work in a garage.
Go make a call to Fei-Feng right away!
Shang-Kun Fei-Feng? It's Nelson.
Nelson? What's the matter?
Nothing.
My aunt, my godmother and my wet nurse
asked if you are free tomorrow night.
She wanted to see you.
They just wanted to eat with you. That's all it is!
Why are you dressed like that, Lychee?
You're getting married too?
That's strange! Does it look like I'm acting in a movie, being dressed like this?
You're always fighting for the same man I fall in love with.
I've had enough of you.
You're nuts.
It's more like you're competing with me.
If this goes on again, I'll be angry with you.
Go right ahead! I don't give a damn. You butt-ugly flirt!
I say you're out of your mind!
We'll talk inside.
Sorry!
My sister and I have some private matters to discuss.
Please excuse us.
Fighting over a man with me?
You're fighting over a man with me?
What do you think you are?
If he doesn't pick me, do you think he'd pick you?
You've had implants on your boobs and ass.
Which part of your face haven't you done a plastic surgery on?
At least, it's better than you. You can't even be operated on.
The doctor says you don't need to come to him.
What did you say? How dare you sling mud at me?
Talking about me like that, huh?
Have you picked up your face yet?
Here! Why don't I sketch it out for you?
What are you doing? You tramp!
Nelson's bringing me to America
because he likes the fact that I'm fertile.
You? Fertile? Why don't I take a look?
People like you send themselves to their door
He treats you like a whore!
You
I'll tell you this! I'm clean.
Don't touch me
I don't even know if you have STD.
You bitch! How dare you accuse me of that?
Only you would know.
It's much better than you! Everything is artificial!
Your boobs are fake. Your ass is fake. Everything is fake. Fake!
Value your life!
You're telling me to value my life?
Make any commotion again and I'll hit you
hard till the size of your boobs are uneven.
I'll count from 1 to 3.
You'd better get out.
If you don't, I'll kick you out.
Like I'm going to believe that! C'mon! 1, 2, 3!
Saying that I have a fake set of boobs and ass, huh?
You're taking me for a nut if I don't flare up!
I've said it wrong. Don't! Please don't hit me.
I've said it wrong.
Damn you!
Don't!
I'm going to kick you till the size of your ass gets uneven!
I'm really miserable! I got set up by Nelson
and I had to take a beating from you.
Don't!
I'm just as miserable as you.
We shouldn't cry.
We shouldn't embarrass ourselves in front of the public.
That's right. We need to uphold our charm.
We can't make ourselves an embarrassment.
Everyone! We have an announcement to make.
We've decided not to marry Nelson Chow.
He's not dumping us.
We're dumping him.
What are you all laughing at?
I've got something to show you girls.
Your mother worked hard to raise you.
Make any commotion again and I'll hit you
hard till the size of your boobs are uneven.
So embarrass.
Saying that I have a fake set of boobs and ass, huh?
I've said it wrong. Please don't hit me.
Get out of our way!
I'm so happy!
Because I've finally got my revenge!
Let's celebrate!
You've gone too far
This is the Nelson you've been talking about?
He's pretty handsome.
His height is perfect but he is a little over-tanned.
Hello, Auntie!
Why don't you make the introductions?
Here! Let me introduce them to you.
This is Mrs. Lee Kam-Shing
and Mrs. Fok Ying-Sai.
Hello!
This is the honorary councillman of the Dominican Republic consulate in Hong Kong.
If you want to immigrate, then you should look for
Mr. Gladyman.
Mr. Gladyman!
Hello! How are you?
Mom likes to pick her son-in-law with a game of mahjong.
Take out the white board.
Oh! Sure! Here's a white board for you, Auntie!
This is the return of a game from 28 years ago.
I've been waiting for this since I was a girl.
You're amazing, mommy!
I'm so happy!
Nelson! That'll be 512 chips.
Auntie, how much is the wager again?
It's just a small wager. $10,000 per round.
So you've lost a total of $512,000 for this game.
Here's $600,000! It's no big deal.
It's so bad today.
It's like everyone's opening an orphanage.
They've all hid all the circles.
Mom hasn't had a winning hand for a while.
Neither have ll.
Three vets visible!
- Fat Choi! Wait! - Hold it! Hold it!
Let me take a look first.
Can't play Fat Choi! Western!
Do you mind a western wind?
I don't.
Here's a west for you, Auntie!
Youngsters aren't so friendly nowadays.
Of course, I'm not referring to you.
Did I just take out the west?
I hit the wrong tile.
It should be three circles, Auntie!
It's a high-risk scenario.
You'll lose a lot if I win from a self-drawn tile.
Nine circles!
Your mother is nuts.
All the other players know that she's going for the Fat Choi.
Can't play with three circles.
I'd guess you can't play with Fat Choi.
Fat Choi, right? I'm taking it.
- Great! - Great!
That'll be $32,000.
-$32,000 is no big deal. It was a great loss. - Pay up...
There's a really good pony tomorrow. His name is "clever kid".
He's been castrated.
Play on.
I forgot that my husband told me to pull the 1st pony today.
- What do I do - Well then!
Let's stop playing after this round.
Fine.
Stop playing? Are you sure?
Did you lose a lot?
Only seven sets.
It's no big deal.
Aren't you going to pull the first pony? Hurry up!
- Six bamboo! - I'll take it!
Hold on! That's not what I'm taking out. I'm making a kong.
- South! - Pong!
Five bamboo.
Six bamboos are all gone. Seven bamboo is useless.
- I'll take it! - Pong...pong!
Eight bamboo! There's no better way to play.
What's so good about taking the smallest hand?
If I don't take the chicken hand, it'd be worse than being a chicken.
Five Character
Kong on south! Kong!
Kong on seven bamboo. I'm in for the taking now.
I'm so lucky now! Four doubles,
four doubles...
What do you mean four doubles?
It's ten doubles, silly boy.
- Ten doubles. - So, what does that equate to? Auntie
That's 512 per person.
How much is 5127
You win 8 sets.
Pay up!
I'll treat you all for dinner after this. We'll talk at another time.
I'm living with no regrets now! $800,000!
To my beloved comrades, Beanstalk Wai and
Silly Chicken! We finally have our final victory!
We've finally got to our opportunities!
Big opportunity...
What are you doing?
It's nothing. I just got a little tired after the game
so I thought I'd go out for a little stretch.
I feel so much better now.
It's not so bad to win $800,000.
$800,000 is really not a big deal for me.
If it's not a big deal, you might as well throw it out.
No problem!
I was only kidding.
I'm absolutely serious with you.
In my eyes, eight hundred thousand dollars is like pocket change for me.
I'll throw it out.
- My mother has spoken highly of you. - Really?
She said you were the most well-mannered
man amongst all of my other boyfriends.
What are you doing?
Look into my eyes!
What do you see in my eyes?
Nothing.
There was no such thing.
Fiona! Could you come down for a minute?
I want to have a word with you.
My birthday's coming up next week. I'm having a party at this yacht.
Can you be my partner?
Okay!
- Fiona! - Coming!
Fiona, you're very beautiful.
Oh! Very dangerous!
Dear comrades. Our opportunity.
Opportunities...
Big opportunity...
From now on, I'll be in charge!
What is Beanstalk Wai's room number?
Beanstalk Wai? He's in room 16.
Thank you very much
I'm fit! Very fit!
Ghost!
Ghost? Where is it? Where?
Don't come near me!
I'm coming to you.
Don't come close to me!
I pay $490 to your family every month!
Please don't hurt me!
What are you talking about?
Beanstalk Wai said you sacrificed yourself.
Touch me. I'm still alive.
Grab me while you're at it. Having fun yet?
Where is Beanstalk Wai?
Chin Chun! Chin Chun!
You can't escape away from me! I'll get you!
Beanstalk Wai!
Don't move! Gotcha! Gotcha!
Oh! It's you.
That hurt. Why did you come here?
Big Mouth Sze told me that you were here.
Why did you lie to me?
Lie to you? You've got a misunderstanding.
Hold on a minute! Hold on!
Get out! Get out!
Why did you tell me that Silly Chicken died?
We're all good pals.
You shouldn't lie to him again.
We should share the fifty thousand together.
Shut your mouth! Who do you think you are?
Look at these necklaces you're wearing.
Who bought it for you?
You lied to me! You deceived me!
There is no opportunity you've spoken of
You lied to me!
None of this is my fault.
It was all his idea.
I know!
It was you, you damned midget! You damned midget!
Yes! It was my idea.
I deserve this. I should slam my head on the wall.
I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have!
Don't do this! Don't!
We are good brothers after all.
I wanted to give you some good news today.
Good news? What's the good news?
I won over $800,000 at a mahjong game.
Fork it over!
I originally wanted to go back to
our village and build a new house.
Good! That's a great idea!
And you still say it's a good idea?
You've taken advantage of me long enough.
From now on, you live your lives and I'll live mine.
I'm going back to the country and live like a king!
- I'm not at fault here! -$800,0007
I'll grab my bag first.
Then I can go back to the village and buy the title of village chief
- Step away. - Chin Chun! Chin Chun!
Don't just leave us like that
Do you remember our code?
I do.
Look at me! Look at me!
Look into my eyes.
What do you see in my eyes?
Your mother!
You deserved it! Lying to him like that time after time.
Anita, where is Chin Chun?
He's not in a good mood right now. You shouldn't disturb him.
He's in a bad mood. Well, so am I!
Chin Chun!
I'll pay you an extra $100,000
to make a fool out of another girl.
That Fiona!
I tried to ask her out on a date but
she said she had no interest in me.
I want you to put her into ruins.
Are you talking about Fiona?
I'm talking about that Fiona!
Sorry. I won't do it.
What did you say? What the hell is he doing?
Are you two having an affair?
You've gone too far!
Who the hell do you think you are?
Without me, you wouldn't have become what you are today.
All your accomodations including food, clothes and
living expenses are completely provided by me!
I can have you deported back
to China with a phone call.
What the hell?
You must have gone crazy.
And you! You better have him convinced right away.
That's enough!
There's a limit to tolerance.
I knew you two had an affair all along.
Chin Chun, let's pack up. We're leaving.
Where are you going?
Listen!
I'm terminating our contract.
But I will continue to train him to become
a real playboy. Free of charge!
You adulterers!
You deserved to be fooled by Lychee, Big Mouth Sze!
Sorry. I was ill-mannered just now.
You women all go crazy on the
sight of good-looking men.
Women can't be trusted.
It's better to trust men!
Fiona's birthday is coming up in a couple of day.
Chin Chun will definitely be attending.
When the time comes, I want you to come with me
and expose his Mainlander status.
Then, this money will all be yours.
I'll raise it by another hundred thousand!
But he's my best friend.
Another hundred thousand.
But we came from the same village.
How about another hundred thousand?
We swam the seas to come here together.
Hundred thousand more!
We're descendents of the dragon.
You should think about it, Beanstalk Wai!
No need to think about it. I'll give you another hundred thousand.
Money is everything.
Then, it's a deal!
What are you doing?
I wanted to kiss you. Don't you like me?
I won't fall in love with my students.
You're lying.
You should concentrate on wooing Fiona.
Lily Chu. Book my train ticket for me.
I've decided to travel the silk road.
I'll be away for 4-5 months.
Why did you untie my bow?
A real playboy should be able to tie his own bow.
First, you tie a knot.
Then, you push it back up.
After that, you pull it like this. And there, you have it!
That's okay. With you by my side,
you can tie it for me everyday.
Are you sure you're not going?
I'm not going. I know.
The fact that the playboy I've personally trained
can woo the most beautiful and elegant woman.
It really makes me happy.
Thank you!
Take my car
I'm not sure if I can drive it properly.
How can you be a playboy without a fancy car?
Thank you!
- Nelson! - Hello!
Happy birthday!
Dear friends. Attention please!
Attention! Please!
Tonight is Fiona's birthday.
I'd like to take the opportunity to make this announcement to everyone.
What's going on?
Mom wants to give you a surprise.
For me? And that is the official announcement of Fiona's wedding
engagement to Mr. Nelson Chow!
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Nelson, what's the matter with you?
What's your mother up to?
Mom likes it that way so we should let it be.
Come up to the stage, Fiona!
Auntiet what are you up to?
Still calling me Auntie?
Here's 100,000 market share in the Bank of Hong Kong.
And a house in Hawaii.
Don't begrudge such a small gift.
I shouldn't accept this from you, Auntie.
Consider it a wedding gift from me to you.
Here's your engagement ring.
Hurry up and put it on her.
Don't forget to give her a kiss. Go now! Go!
Excuse me.
Ladies and gentlemen!
I'd like to share a little secret to everybody.
The true identity of Nelson Chow.
I'm afraid nobody knows the real identity of him
I'd like to tell you that
his real name is Chow Chin-Chun.
He is a big swindler.
You're saying that he's a Mainlander?
He just said he's a Mainlander.
Would anyone believe him?
This little joke is finished. You can all settle down in your seats.
Get back to your seat. Please get back to your seats.
Don't look at me!
I never agreed to any of this.
Beanstalk Wai forced me into this.
It's okay. I don't mind being exposed.
But I've never thought for a moment that he would actually betray me for money.
Beanstalk Wai, if you say it well, I'll add $200,000 as a bonus.
Here's $10,000 as a deposit.
I'm serious, everybody.
Tell them, Beanstalk Wai.
What other jokes do you have to share with us?
Tell them!
I don't know how to say it.
You don't? Fine!
I'll ask while you answer.
Do you know Nelson Chow well?
Yes.
Do you know his background?
Yes.
Did you enter these grounds illegally with him?
Say it...
No!
No! We really didn't!
You've heard the man!
Mr. Chow was born in Hong Kong.
I'm the illegal immigrant here.
Mr. Chow treats me well.
It was him! It's because he couldn't impress Ms. Fiona.
So he bribed me with a lot of money to
make an accusation on Mr. Chow.
You've lost your loyalty!
Yes! I'm not loyal at all.
I've never been loyal in my life!
But this time, I'm showing my loyalty.
You...
What the hell are you doing?
This is the money he used to bribe me with.
I don't want it anymore.
I'll give it back to you. Take it back!
Sorry!
I came here by swimming. I had no family.
Luckily for me, I met Mr. Chow. He's always been watching over me,
giving me opportunities, and guiding me.
It's because of my greed
that I allowed Big Mouth Sze to seduce me with his dirty money.
I am not a man. I'm doing you an injustice.
I'm wW r on g !
I've been wrong.
Don't!
From now on,
I hope you will disregard me for the
rest of your life. Even if I am begging for money.
Beanstalk Wai
Do you still remember our code?
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
Mr. Chow, just ignore these people.
These people are crazy.
No! You're still my good friend.
You're still my good brother.
Everyone!
I feel that I've been spent far too long, deceiving you with this mask.
I'm fed up with this. It's stupid!
I won't even deny those two men are my good friends
in order to continue with this silly charade.
Beanstalk Wai, Silly Chicken!
Everybody! These two are
my best friends. My brothers!
We've been playing together since we were kids.
We even swam our way to come here.
We're Mainlanders!
But you and I are all the same.
We're Chinese! We're all descendents of the dragon!
You're lying to me!
Even if you resent my mother's unilateral engagement announcement,
you don't need to spread a lie.
I don't care who you are. I love you so much!
I'll marry you no matter what!
Fiona, even if I was rich,
I won't marry you.
Why?
Because I'm in love with Anita.
[t can't be!
I'm sorry!
Joke's over.
She's a gentle girl.
Go comfort her!
Is there any way you can prove your identity?
Yes
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
"Make up your mind, have no fear of sacrifices."
"Brave all difficulties to fight for victory!"
Stop singing!
Still not convinced? Brothers!
- So dirty! - Security!
Security! That's right! Arrest those men...
What's the matter, Mrs. Tung?
Dump him to the sea!
Not him! But them!
This one
- Why me? No! Don't! - Don't gripe!
Don't dump me into the seal!
Let's go, sisters!
How can you treat me like this.
Jump into the sea!
So Nelson was that Mainlander!
Why don't you leave? Captain, take them away!
Bye!
Nelson! Nelson!
Fiona, don't! Just let it be.
Nelson!
Let's continue the party!
Crap! I've left my ring there.
Sorry!
What are you doing?
This ring was for Fiona.
Didn't you say you liked Anita?
Then you can take this ring to propose
to her and you can save a lot of money.
Good point!
- Anita! - Anita! Where's Anita?
Why did it take you the entire morning to come back from partying?
She's already left!
Where did she go? Tell me!
She took the 6:30 train to head over to the Silk Road.
It's close to 6:30!
Alright! Let's go pick her up!
Perhaps my illusions are getting stronger.
Anita! Anita!
You're going out of your mind.
But to be frank about it, if that was really him chasing after me with the car,
I will definitely marry him.
It's no use to think about it even if it were true.
This is a one-way express. There won't be any stops.
What are you doing here?
I came to go after you.
You must have been happy last night.
Of course, we're happy! We've finally let it out!
Yeah!
Congratulations on becoming the shipping magnate's son-in-law!
I told the whole world that we're all Mainlanders!
Yeah!
Why did you do that?
Hoping that you'd marry me.
Yeah!
Wasn't it love at first sight between you
and the dog exhibition representative?
Yes, it was love at first sight.
But I've already deeply fallen in love
with you since I face you everyday.
Stop the chit-chattering, you guys!
We're getting close to Luo-hu!
What's that got to do with me?
We have no I.D. cards!
Then, we'll be sacrificed.
Let's get out of here!
Promise that you'll marry me!
Hurry up and get out of the train!
I can't believe this!
So you value sex more than friendship.
Aren't we brothers?
Marry me, Anita!
Why are you still hesitating?
Sister, it's not like you're going to marry him right here and now.
Just say yes to him.
Exactly!
Very well! I'll say yes for now.
We'll get married once I have free time. Go right away! Go!
- Thanks, Anita! - Get out of there!
- Alright! She said yes already. Let's leave! - Let's go, Chin Chun!
Goodbye!
Congratuations, Anita!
I wish you two the best in your marriage. May you be blessed with children soon!
Do you still remember our code?
Seven Eleven!
Wait for me!
Who opened the door?
Close it back!
Hey, mister! Can you lend this to me for a second?
I need these flowers for a cemetary visitation.
I'm just borrowing it for now.
Why haven't you jumped from the train yet?
If I wanted to jump, I would've jumped with you.
Are you free yet?
Yes, I'm very free.
Will you marry me and become my wife?
I will!
Even if you'd get arrested?
I'll tell you a little secret.
I've already bought a passport from that Gladyhan fella.
I'm now officially a citizen of the Dominican Republic.
Hey! You tricked me!